Tuesday, 25 February 2014

The Babysitting Chronicles Part One and free book promo...

For one day per week that my niece and nephew are off school for the holidays I have to look after them. Last week it was half term and this time I thought I'd record everything that happened. The results will probably bore you. Names of my niece and nephew have been shortened to their first initial.

9:30 - Babysitting on less than 4 hours sleep. B and J are currently more coherent than I am and can respond more quickly to questions than I can. Coffee has been made and Narnia 3 is on. I ask if we can stick a different film on because Narnia is shite but I get told to "Move out the way, we're watching this,".

9:51 - I'm bored. J is eating cereal straight out of the box and B is drawing in her diary without taking her eyes off the tv screen...multitasking at its finest.

10:00 - Walk into kitchen to see if there's any eggs to make buns with. No. My sister hasn't left them any dinner either. Last time this happened I got - 

Me: J, what do you want in your sandwich? Cheese? 
J: I don't like cheese. 
Me: Yeah, you do. I've seen you eat it.
J: I don't want cheese.
10 mins later. Enter Granddad.
Granddad: I'll make J's. J what do you want in your sandwich?
J: Cheese.

10:14 - Minor dispute over who's cup is whose. Over in seconds when B snaps at J. J backs down. He knows what will happened if he pursues it any further and since we're both scared of her, I remain quiet as well. 

10:29 - Second coffee. Narnia 3 is still on and is still shite. Nearly dislocate my jaw yawning. 

10:35 - The dvd has started to jump.

10:44 - B is now eating rice crispies from the box and is puzzled as to why there is already a spoon inside. I'm contemplating whether or not to introduce them to "the bowl". 

11.01 - They've both got a bow and are now looking for arrows. I blame Narnia 3...which is still jumping. Thankfully, arrows haven't been found.

11:08 - Narnia 3 has finished. Wahey. We spend the next ten mins looking for the walnut whip I left last night. It's like an Easter egg hunt but with a walnut whip. 

11:23 - I make them a ham sandwich each.

11:25 - They've both eaten the ham and left the bread. 

11:34 - Granddad has eaten walnut whip. J gives him a bollocking. Mwhahaha, my minions.

12:06 - Setting off for garage. Walking down black path or what we affectionately call "Dog shit alley". 

12:26 - Reach garage. Buy two slushes, both have red and blue slush.

12:35 - I give them a lecture on the dangers of drink driving as we walk to my cousin's house. A bit premature for a 7 + 8 year old maybe, but, oh well.

12:42 - Reach my cousin's house. 

12:50 - Watching the skiing. J repeatedly shouts "Wack it!!!" everytime a skier nears a pole. I'm then out witted by the said 7 year old when he tell us that it's the French that are skiing and I ask him how he knows they're not UK (they're wearing the same colours) when he points to bottom of the screen and says, "Look...FRA". 

1:30 - Leave cousin's house. J jumps over a "mud pud" and somebody needs the toilet, so I have to mince all the way back.

1:48 - B wants cake. J wants the star decorations off the cake and cheese. They're playing on the dining room table. B has suddenly adopted an American accent.

2:09 - They're playing Gladiators/Lord of the Rings. I daren't move for fear of getting my ears clipped by plastic swords. 

2:25 - It's oh so quiet...Spongebob is on. 

2:35 - Coffee number 3. B's on Minecraft building a house under water with blue bricks. Hmmm...

2:44 - B: I made this blue thing and I've looked everywhere but I don't know where it is.

3:09 - Just eaten two walnut whips. Feel sick. Is it home time yet?

4:07 - Spongbob is still on. I asked B and J if it's alright if I fall asleep. They said yes, of course it is. Who's looking after who here?

4:32 - I'm free.

My book 'The 4 Gs' is going to be free from 28th Feb until 2nd March or if you're not a tight-arse, you can buy it now for 77p here - UK  US