Monday, 30 June 2014

Pixel Paintings and book hiatus...

These are a couple of the pixel paintings I've done this year. If anyone would like one of these or a different one doing please see - :D Thank you.

I've been spending a little too much time on these this year and I may not get a book written in time for my usual release date of around Christmas-ish.

Thanks a lot bambinos.

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

The Babysitting Chronicles Part One and free book promo...

For one day per week that my niece and nephew are off school for the holidays I have to look after them. Last week it was half term and this time I thought I'd record everything that happened. The results will probably bore you. Names of my niece and nephew have been shortened to their first initial.

9:30 - Babysitting on less than 4 hours sleep. B and J are currently more coherent than I am and can respond more quickly to questions than I can. Coffee has been made and Narnia 3 is on. I ask if we can stick a different film on because Narnia is shite but I get told to "Move out the way, we're watching this,".

9:51 - I'm bored. J is eating cereal straight out of the box and B is drawing in her diary without taking her eyes off the tv screen...multitasking at its finest.

10:00 - Walk into kitchen to see if there's any eggs to make buns with. No. My sister hasn't left them any dinner either. Last time this happened I got - 

Me: J, what do you want in your sandwich? Cheese? 
J: I don't like cheese. 
Me: Yeah, you do. I've seen you eat it.
J: I don't want cheese.
10 mins later. Enter Granddad.
Granddad: I'll make J's. J what do you want in your sandwich?
J: Cheese.

10:14 - Minor dispute over who's cup is whose. Over in seconds when B snaps at J. J backs down. He knows what will happened if he pursues it any further and since we're both scared of her, I remain quiet as well. 

10:29 - Second coffee. Narnia 3 is still on and is still shite. Nearly dislocate my jaw yawning. 

10:35 - The dvd has started to jump.

10:44 - B is now eating rice crispies from the box and is puzzled as to why there is already a spoon inside. I'm contemplating whether or not to introduce them to "the bowl". 

11.01 - They've both got a bow and are now looking for arrows. I blame Narnia 3...which is still jumping. Thankfully, arrows haven't been found.

11:08 - Narnia 3 has finished. Wahey. We spend the next ten mins looking for the walnut whip I left last night. It's like an Easter egg hunt but with a walnut whip. 

11:23 - I make them a ham sandwich each.

11:25 - They've both eaten the ham and left the bread. 

11:34 - Granddad has eaten walnut whip. J gives him a bollocking. Mwhahaha, my minions.

12:06 - Setting off for garage. Walking down black path or what we affectionately call "Dog shit alley". 

12:26 - Reach garage. Buy two slushes, both have red and blue slush.

12:35 - I give them a lecture on the dangers of drink driving as we walk to my cousin's house. A bit premature for a 7 + 8 year old maybe, but, oh well.

12:42 - Reach my cousin's house. 

12:50 - Watching the skiing. J repeatedly shouts "Wack it!!!" everytime a skier nears a pole. I'm then out witted by the said 7 year old when he tell us that it's the French that are skiing and I ask him how he knows they're not UK (they're wearing the same colours) when he points to bottom of the screen and says, "Look...FRA". 

1:30 - Leave cousin's house. J jumps over a "mud pud" and somebody needs the toilet, so I have to mince all the way back.

1:48 - B wants cake. J wants the star decorations off the cake and cheese. They're playing on the dining room table. B has suddenly adopted an American accent.

2:09 - They're playing Gladiators/Lord of the Rings. I daren't move for fear of getting my ears clipped by plastic swords. 

2:25 - It's oh so quiet...Spongebob is on. 

2:35 - Coffee number 3. B's on Minecraft building a house under water with blue bricks. Hmmm...

2:44 - B: I made this blue thing and I've looked everywhere but I don't know where it is.

3:09 - Just eaten two walnut whips. Feel sick. Is it home time yet?

4:07 - Spongbob is still on. I asked B and J if it's alright if I fall asleep. They said yes, of course it is. Who's looking after who here?

4:32 - I'm free.

My book 'The 4 Gs' is going to be free from 28th Feb until 2nd March or if you're not a tight-arse, you can buy it now for 77p here - UK  US